Published November 16, 2005
Here, it's short, and I might add more lines. If i'm ever bored in Literature again...
In this mirror
My reflection shows me
Everything
That I don't want to be.
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Canary word: Present
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141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Ah! Finally, a metered poem. 3,6,3,6. So, what is my suggestion?
The last line sounds awkward.
I think, if you mess around with the word choice a little bit, it might be better. The problem with that would be it might lose the rhyme... which might be bad. Or might not! I don't know... it's your decision.
Hehe... this is how I would change it to reflect myself. XD
In this mirror
I can see
A poet
Not to be.
Anymore help with someone better at poetry than me?
First of all, I'm not saying Literature bores me. I'm saying IF I get bored again, which is unlikely. That's twisting my words. And, I am Nikki. I was speaking in Third person. :p
I like this. It has a sad, contemplative edge. It feels very distant, like you're watching your life through a window, or.. a mirror! The word choice is simple, yet effective(sp?)
Lots of potential here!
The format is nice aswell, but would be hard add on to, with out messing up your relaxed flow. You can do it though!
It is a little too short for me to get a real sense on it, but what you have now is great, and I hope you continue!
I'm not Nikki but I read anyway.
.... Very odd for you to write this while you consider literature boring.... point?
Anyway... yeah... short....
And I'm sure "Nikki" will aggree... yes....